The Unspoken Tenet of Transformation
"The only work that really matters is the work that no one sees. It shows you who you truly are, rather than who you say you are"
You can transform the external all you want but without an overhaul of the internal, you're really just the same piece of shit with a new paint job.
Think about it like a car with a new paint job and new wheels. It looks better and its perceived value will even increase, yet underneath the hood is still the same shitty engine with all of the same problems.
Put simply, a turd is a turd. You can cover it in gold and glitter but it is still a turd.
If you want to truly transform yourself, you have to liberate the internal.
So what is the the unspoken tenet of transformation? It is self-awareness.
You have to be able to look within, without rose tinted glasses and see all of the flaws, traumas, and negative beliefs you've swept under the rug.
It's not a easy task. It takes courage and accountability to lift up the rug and pull all of your skeletons and demons out from underneath it. The truth is, most people simply can't do it and would rather keep the rose tinted glasses on.
Why? Because it means they can continue to blame everyone and everything else for their shitty life.
I've done the work, it's confronting, it's an emotional process, and it hurts. I will forever be grateful that I had the courage to do it because it has helped me to change in a way I wasn't sure was possible.
The reality of the situation is you've created a fictitious character, a made up version of yourself that isn't real or accurate. More often than not it is a character that is far greater than we actually are.
Only once you've had the courage to truly face yourself in the mirror, can you begin the rebuild process.
The next step is defining what the best version of you looks like. Not the perfect version, the best possible human version.
What values do you live by?
What character traits do you possess?
What daily actions do you take?
How do you treat others?
What standards do you hold yourself to?
Who holds you accountable?
Ask yourself these questions, define the answers and write them down.
Long lasting transformation takes time and it takes effort. Visit this work daily, reflect on what you've done well, provide examples of where you've lived up to your values and standards.
Conversely, be self-aware enough to account for the times you came up short, you're human, it's going to happen. Write it down, learn from it.
You won't be perfect and nor do you have to be. Focus on slow incremental changes and over time your transformation will be undeniable.
Liberate the internal and no one can hurt you.
So very well put.
I went through this many years ago and continue on a day to day basis to try and stay faithful to myself, but also to continue to grow as better version of myself each day.
Is the pursuit without incident?
Hell no, life will always try to fuck you up and over, but having the self assured resilience to know that one can conquer what life throws at them, even if it takes a few attempts, is the best way to be.
Life is tough, but you are tougher.
That comment really nails the essence of true transformation. I’ve seen it first-hand, both in my time with the Army Rangers and now as a UET instructor at Camp Pendleton. Whether you’re on a mission behind enemy lines or teaching Marines how to escape a submerged vehicle, the work that really matters is the stuff that no one sees. It’s the hours spent preparing, the internal battles fought long before the action ever begins. You can’t fake that.
In the Rangers, we were constantly tested not just physically, but mentally. The same applies to what I do now with UET (Underwater Egress Training). You can give someone the best equipment and teach them the most effective escape techniques, but if they haven’t done the work internally—building resilience, dealing with fear, and confronting their weaknesses—they won’t survive when it matters. That’s the brutal truth. You can slap a new coat of paint on all you want, but if the engine’s still busted, it’ll break down under pressure.
The whole idea of self-awareness is critical. You’ve got to strip away the bullshit, confront your demons, and be honest with yourself. Most people avoid this because it’s uncomfortable, it’s painful. But in the Rangers, we didn’t have the luxury of avoiding discomfort. You had to face it head-on or you didn’t make it. I carry that mentality into UET—this isn’t just about knowing how to get out of a submerged aircraft; it’s about being mentally strong enough to stay calm when your life is on the line.
What values do I live by?
Discipline, integrity, and resilience. These aren’t just words to me; they’re the foundation for everything I do, both as a soldier and now as an instructor. If you don’t have discipline, you won’t make it through training, and you sure as hell won’t make it through life’s tougher moments.
What character traits do I possess?
I pride myself on leadership, grit, and adaptability. As a Ranger, you didn’t always have a clear path forward. Missions would go sideways, but you had to adapt, improvise, and overcome. Now, I push those same traits in the Marines I train. You have to be flexible, but you also have to be relentless.
What daily actions do I take?
Every day is about discipline and growth. I train physically to stay sharp, but I also take time to reflect. What did I do well? Where did I fall short? In the Rangers, we had AARs (After Action Reviews) after every mission. Now, I do the same for my life—constant evaluation and improvement.
How do I treat others?
With respect and accountability. Whether it’s a fellow Ranger or a Marine in training, I don’t sugarcoat things. If they’re not living up to their potential, I’ll let them know, but it’s always because I want them to be better. No one gets through life or training alone.
What standards do I hold myself to?
The highest. If I’m not pushing myself every day, then I can’t expect my guys to do the same. I don’t tolerate excuses from myself, and I won’t tolerate them from others.
Who holds me accountable?
Ultimately, it’s me. But I also have a close circle of guys—former Rangers and current mentors—who won’t hesitate to call me out if I’m slacking. Everyone needs people like that in their life. They make sure I don’t get complacent.
Transformation is a slow, grueling process, but it’s real. The internal work makes you bulletproof, not just physically but mentally. And when you’ve done that work, no one can touch you.
Leave a comment